POTW: 2009 keeper list and draft order

POTW

Aside from actually signing up for the league I guess this can be seen as another sign the football season is coming. I know many of you have been asking for this so here it is:

NOTE: the teams are listed in draft order meaning Allan has the first pick, Overton second, etc.


Baconators
Coach: Allan Gamble
QB-Peyton Manning
WR-Terrell Owens
RB-Pierre Thomas

What is better than having the #1 overall draft pick? Having the #1 overall draft pick in back-to-back seasons! Just ask teams such as the Detroit Lions and Oakland Raiders, and now, the Baconators. Last year’s #1 pick Darren McFadden apparently didn’t make the roster heading into this season for coach Al so the board is wide open for him to draft a WR with the top pick and resurrect his arena football system.



Boats 'N Hoes
Coach: Matt Overton
QB-Tom Brady
TE-Dallas Clark
RB-Clinton Portis

If you only looked at keeper players from year to year you would have to say that Boats ‘N Hoes has already improved. Last year they went into the season with Super Bowl star and fantasy dude Ben Roethlisberger (no, I still don’t care how it is spelled). In 2009 they go into the season with Super Bowl star and fantasy star Tom Brady.





The Gusmeisters
Coach: Gusty Gulas
RB-Adrian Peterson
RB-Larry Johnson
QB-Kurt Warner

If you double Adrian Peterson’s age he would probably still be the youngest keeper on this list. Granted Warner and LJ are mathematically in their 30s but the last few seasons they seem to be aging in dog years. Luckily for Kurt Warner his wife has abandoned the creepy school librarian look and now looks like someone a (middle aged) NFL QB would be with.

POTW sources have discovered that, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is really based on the real-life of Brenda Warner


Mallards
Coach: George Murphree
RB-LaDanian Tomlinson
RB-Frank Gore
RB-Matt Forte

Still trying to resurrect the wishbone apparently. I guess if the Mallards draft Tim Tebow next year they could have something here as the triple option could once again make its way into football. As it stands QB Pat White running the “Wild Dolphin” or whatever the hell it is called in Miami will have to take on that role until Jesus Tebow is ready to move on to the next level (and play TE).





da Bears
Coach: Doyle Horn Esq.
WR-Andre Johnson
RB-Marshawn Lynch
RB-Steven Jackson

Football in the Nation’s Capital. Coach Doyle looks to have a good team with top 5 players such as Andre Johnson and Steven Jackson. While the Obama administration will eventually get around to taking control of fantasy football (starting with da Bears due to the fact they are the D.C. area team) it should be at least another year due to the fact that at the moment there are some freedoms left they have not infringed upon.
Fantasy football and real football alike are evil capitalistic creations as they discriminate against hundreds of people who have no real ability to do the job. Evil right-wing extremist think that you should put players on your team based on their performance but that is unfair to the players who lack ability and this type of corrupt system is doomed to fail just like the auto industry…



Decepticons
Coach: CT (not trying to be cute with this name, his name is actually just CT now by all accounts)
QB-Aaron Rogers
WR-TJ Houshmandzadeh
WR-Calvin Johnson

“More than meets the eye” football in 2008 was apparently much less than met the eye. The keeper roster involves some talent and some interesting stories; T.J. Howsyourmama is now on a new team, and Calvin Johnson is still on the Lions, and the Lions after going 0-16 were named POTW Team of the Decade and should be an easy finalist for Team of the Universe for All-Time.



Fatboys
Coach: Fudge Burton
QB-Eli Manning
RB-Marion Barber
WR-Chad Ocho Cinco

The Fatboys with a pig logo based out of BBQ city Memphis, I love it. The only thing that could have made this better would be if I could incorporate more gang memorabilia with this franchise just to give it a real Memphis feel. In a related story the fantasy football team-Fatboys has received permission to move into the Memphis Pyramid for all of their home games. Memphis Mayor Willie W. Herenton had this to say, “This is a proud day for the city of Memphis. It should sent a clear message to all the people who said the Memphis Pyramid would city empty forever.”

NOTE: I couldn’t help but discover this: Willie W. Herenton (yes, the mayor of Memphis) was nominated for the 2008 World Mayor award…no shit, I couldn’t make this up.
Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf was also nominated. He is the mayor of Tehran, Iran. Again, I couldn’t make this shit up.




Ragin' Girth of Fury
Coach: Jim Hand
WR-Larry Fitzgerald
RB- DeAngelo Williams
QB-Matt Schaub

Everybody loves expansion teams. I’m not sure why we love them but we know we all do. Perhaps it is the fact new life has come into the league, more likely it is the fact teams feel like they should have an easy win (see Turbo Techies). Jim proves that our league is diverse as he once lived in South America, thus, making our league international. Yep. He also loves soccer which is technically called football. Yep again. Finally he has a name that baffles the imagination with both wonder and horror.




Steel Dragons
Coach: Andrew Plousis part 3
QB-Phillip Rivers
RB-Maurice Jones Drew
WR-Randy Moss

I must admit I’m still admiring my own work at finding that Steel Dragon logo/banner. Pretty bad ass stuff and as the Oakland Raiders have proved teams with a cool logo always excel. The Steel Dragons win an award for being the only team to have a keeper player with three names*
Plousis should be more boring this season as we will not all be privy to random insults from Brannon involving Plousis.

* POTW desperate for material it would appear





Bama Black Bears
Coach: Eugene (with a “y”) Comer
QB-Jay Cutler
WR-Wes Welker
RB-Michael Turner

A new logo for the team in 2009. What appears to be a red baseball bat in the bear’s hand/paw (apparently a paw with opposable thumbs) is actually a bloody stick. The blood stains must represent the new attitude of the Bama Black Bears in ’09. The fact the bear is in water made this logo too perfect to pass up since Coach Comer has informed all of us that the bears in Mobile do in fact like to go to the beach.
With regards to his roster the NAACP is filing a grievance against the Bama Black Bears for:
1.) dropping the black guy (WR Steve Smith) in favor of a white WR (Wes Welker)
2.) attempting to have a non-“McBlack” QB on the roster/starting roster

NOTE: The bear on the logo appears to in fact be black however close examination revealed that while the hair on the bear is black its skin was in fact a white/beige color meaning that the “black” bears are in fact white.



Tenn. Valley Vipers
Tenn. Valley Vipers
Coach: Swirly “Brad Murphree” Gig
RB-Reggie Bush
WR-Anquan Boldin
WR-Reggie Wayne

Yahoo is still generous enough to list Reggie Bush as a RB. Sometimes a coach and a team find a system and sometimes the system finds the team. Coach Swirl appears to have officially given up on establishing a running game and moved the team to its new home in Huntsville with the idea that they will win games by only throwing the ball. The teams best RB is actually a shitty RB who excels as a WR/punt return guy. Coach Comer would be proud however as the team runs a true Gulf Coast Offense-only running the ball enough to move the safeties around once a possession. The name change was covered in the Vipers Press Conference on the league page and I’m too lazy to reprint it here (bad economy even for POTW so the COPY/PASTE functions are rationed in their use).





Fergs
Coach: Ferg Ferguson
WR-Roddy White
RB-Steve Slaton
QB-Tony Romo

Ferg has established himself as one of the top teams in the league year in and year out. I must admit that his keeper list heading into this season has a different look and feel that it has in previous season however Coach Ferg has proven he can field a winner. Look for him to be tough again this year…of course a house full of kids could provide the distraction the rest of the league needs to catch him…



Frat-tastics
Coach: Michael Askew
WR-Eddie Royal
QB-Matt Ryan
TE-Tony Gonzalez

Last year was great for Mike Askew. The arrival of Micah Askew and the Frat-tastics first appearance in the Super Bowl. (obviously very comparable events)
Riding this wave of excitement the Frat-tastics should come out like spider monkeys in 2009, assuming Eddie Royal has a QB to throw the ball to him and Tony Gonzalez doesn’t fall and break a hip…although the double TD bonus of Matt Ryan to Tony Gonzalez should be exciting for Coach Askew.







Turbo Techies

Coach: Wes Murphree
QB-Drew Brees
WR-Brandon Marshall
WR-Marques Colston

If the World Dodgeball League had a New York Yankees they would be called the Turbo Techies. The team that people named Ferg and Comer seem to love to hate the Techies continue their storm trooper march in 2009 as the try and become the first team to win 3 straight championships. Back-to-back championships would be enough for any mortal but the self proclaimed USC of the PAC-4 has only one goal; to never finish worse than 1st in any football season EVER! A goal they have accomplished so far. Full of shit-talk, ego, and talent here come the 2009 Turbo Techies. Playing a game on the road against the Turbo Techies must feel like playing at the Swamp in Gainesville or like playing dodgeball against the Cobras at Globo-Gym in the game of the week broadcast live on The Ocho.




See you after the draft…