Week 3

The last time we all play at full strength for awhile. In week 4 BYE weeks start so that means week 3 is your last chance to see what your team looks like at 100%. Teams would learn that they like what they look like at 100% while some teams have to wonder, "if this is 100% I'd hate to see what the hell it looks like at 75%."

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#1 Turbo Techies 107.70------da Bears 107.40

Holy crap! Literally with zero seconds on the clock da Bears were about to give Coach Doyle the Gatorade bath for knocking off the #1 team in the land when Matt Leinert, worthless as he may be, dropped off a 2 yard screen pass to Turbo Techies RB Hightower who was promptly tackled. In the grand scheme of the world a play almost as meaningless as Leinert's career. To the Alabama League it meant a .3 margin of victory for the Turbo Techies. The Techies are a team that you love to hate but they do find a way to win, and this last week as no different. Coach Doyle should be a little annoyed by the outcome of the game but for all intent and purpose it was a strong showing for da Bears. Coach Doyle should demand a recount of this game in the meantime.

That's right Doyle, THIS guy cost you a win

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#2 Tenn. Valley Vipers 144--------#3 Gusmeisters 84

Billed as the game of the week and instead turned into the Toyota Blowout of the week. Through the first half the game was close and the two teams swapped the lead back and forth...then the Vipers offense went nuclear. Carson Palmer's game winning drive in the Steelers/Bengals game accounted for 11 fantasy points and the route was on from there.
The Gusmeisters Larry Johnson seems to be showing signs of ware (for about the 3rd year in a row) and the "Grandmama" nickname is becoming literal at this point.

With his football career grinding (painfully) to a halt Larry Johnson is already set for his next career; playing a black John Travolta in a re-make of Saturday Night Fever

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#4 Fatboys 119----------------Bama Black Bears 130

The Fatboys looked to remain unbeaten and in the top 5 in the nation, but the water bears had other ideas. Lead by the erratic Jay Cutler Coach Comer's team was able to pull off the upset in this PAC 4 conference matchup. The Bama Black Bears were helped by the fact that coming off of a huge game the previous week Ted Ginn Jr decided to sit this one out and watch highlight clips of that pass he missed in the end zone against the Colts last week. Lawrence Maroney got in on the worthless act as well as he only posted 4 points for Coach Fudge. It is not the way you remain undefeated, but it was a good way for the Fatboys to get defeated. The best part about the Ted Ginn situation was not only did he get zero points, but he actually started and played all four quarters.

Quick! Where did Ted Ginn Jr play college football!? You guessed it! Much like other players from THE Ohio State he SUCKS in big games (see Brian Robinski's POTW from only one week ago)

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Steel Dragons 145-----------#5 Mallards 140

Perhaps no two teams have been as cursed as the Steel Dragons and the Mallards so far in 2009. The Steel Dragons could easily be 3-0 if not for Drew Brees and Dallas Clark. The Mallards on the other hand could have pulled out a win in this game if not for Dwayne Bowe being pulled from the lineup and the last second and the fact that the injury bug is devouring the Mallards roster in only 3 weeks of football. I feel that in the end we will look at both of these teams as playoff level teams, which is one reason this game was so interesting. The Steel Dragons were desperate to avoid a 0-3 start and came out strong posting 145 points. The Mallards were not asleep at the wheel and despite injures to Frank Gore, Dwayne Bowe, LaDanian Tomlinson, and Anthony Gonzalez they posted 140 points. Then there was Darren McFadden. Fresh off of watching his Razorbacks get ripped apart by the Crimson Tide McFadden proceeded to take the field and rip off run after run and reception after reception...many time doing so without the football as he fumbled 3 times in the game. Since some people reading this suffer with math I'll draw a picture; Mallards lost by 5, McFadden gave up 6 points=bad. The next few weeks for these two teams will prove interesting as they both needs to pile up wins to keep pace in the Appalachian Conference as well as the wildcard chase.

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#8 Pineapple Express 98---------Frat-tastics 110

The Pineapple Express and Frat-tastics apparently tried to play golf instead of football, with the Express winning as they shot under 100 for the round. Perhaps the best part is that all 5 teams that voted this past week all selected the Pineapple Express to win. Then again people who call themselves "sports writers" and think that title should impress anyone with an IQ over 50 thought Ole Miss was the #4 team in the nation so we are all allowed to be wrong from time to time. The Pineapple Express got back to their losing ways with 4 players scoring under 10 points (5 if you count the kicker but I'm being kind and leaving him off the list). With so much ineptitude it is hard to single out one special POTW. In the end I will give Chansi Stuckey and Donnie Avery a pass. Chansi Stuckey gets a pass because his last name reminds me of the roadside convenient stores in which you can find strange/cheap souvenirs and a Dairy Queen. You can also buy wolf t-shirts at Stuckeys.

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#7 Decepticons 136---------#6 Ragin' Girth of Fury 108

In a game that featured QB vs QB the Decepticons rolled out with a victory. In this game both QBs posted over 30 points. The support players were a mixed bag for sure, some solid performance and some not so solid. In the end I'd like to find more material for this game but it is hard. I would compare it to this; I know Penn State lost to Iowa this last weekend but I couldn't tell you anything about it. In addition to that the Decepticons have very quietly moved into a tie for first in the Road to Auburn Conference. Which is nice but at this point that looks like being tied for 1st in the Mountain West Conference.

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Fergs 114------------------------Baconators 128

Pay-per-view game of the week. When the teams voted on the winner for the game it was unanimous in favor of the Fergs...the Fergs may not get another vote all year. The once mighty Fergs have come out of the gate tripping and stumbling over themselves as they are now 0-3. Coach Ferg is busy with his kids but at this point he could just turn the franchise over to them. Coach Al even started Brian Westbrook, who was at no point even considered to be in the starting lineup for this game. Perhaps the highlight for the Fergs was Thomas Jones, who one one play was out scored on the ground by QB Mark Sanchez. Jones scored 3 fantasy points, while Mark Sanchez rushed for a 25 yard TD. Winner. Sanchez accounts for close to 9 points in rushing alone on one play while Jones is fed the ball all day and bangs out 3 points. It has been that kinda year so far for the Fergs.

The following video gives you a good indication of the atmosphere in the stands at a Fergs game:

WARNING: If you can't already tell from the look of her, this chick is in no way safe for work. Put on you head phones because I promise you want the audio with this video

See you after week 4...

Week 2

Week 2 is done and gone in wild fashion. In a normal year fantasy teams (just like real teams) tend to get off to slow and sloppy starts as it takes a few weeks for the offense to get in rhythm. It would not appear that this is the case in 2009 as teams has come out of the gate looking like they are in mid-season form. If they are not in mid-season form and this is just a warm up then I guess we can expect to see fantasy teams scoring in the 200s every week...

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#1 Gusmeisters------------------#5 Bama Black Bears

I guess this is what I get for making this the game of the week. The Gusmeisters and Bama Black Bears attempted to one-up each other for worse outings by a player. Greg Jennings apparently got hurt (or got lost on his way to the game) as he posted zero points. Not to be out done TE Zach Miller also scored zero points just a week after it appeared he was the Raiders offense. Proving that they got the same memo the Cowboys defense posted zero points because they were up against the always dangerous Eli "Not Peyton" Manning. Here is the best part. All of these guys play for the Gusmeisters and they won the game.
The Bama Black Bears would receive -2 points from the Chargers defense because they went up against the potent Ravens offense...seriously? I know Joe Flacco is improved but they still don't have anything worth owning at WR and I would hope that even in a loss an NFL defense could keep them under 34 points. Willis McGahee scored 2 TDs! How the hell does anyone in the NFL let that happen!?

Telia Tequila could have started for the Chargers...not that many doubt she has already been passed around a few NFL locker rooms.

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#2 Turbo Techies-------------#9 Fergs

Too bad Ferg has not been around for Coach Wes' shit talking. Sadly these days the Fergs appear to be losing their dominance and the Turbo Techies have taken over the top spot. Even the Ferg Haters Club has gone quiet as Coach Wes fills the media with more crap than Lane Kiffin. The Ferg WR Kevin Walter was inactive for the game and inactive pretty much sums up the Fergs season to this point.

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#3 Ragin' Girth of Fury--------#10 Mallards

"Blackout Game of the Week" according to some people (some people being Wes). In truth this game was the REAL Game of the Week. The Mallards and Ragin' Girth of Fury (RGF) put on a great game that came down to the Monday Night Football game. Many of you have read this for years now and know that I won't trash a team that does not deserve it, and neither of these teams deserves it. A classic Appalachian Conference matchup in which both teams played well and both teams deserved to win, but both teams can't win because that would really complicate the standings. RGF put together a good run late in the game with Ronnie Brown but in the end their defense just gave up too many points and ended up costing them the game.

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#4 Tenn. Valley Vipers--------#7 Decepticons

A revenge game of sorts for the Vipers who were beaten by the Decepticons last year. If you have been reading this publication (boy I use that term loosely) this year you probably know that for some reason teams require me to write about Lance Moore every damn week. It all started when Lance Moore was drafted, not only by the Pineapple Express but by the fucking New Orleans Saints. I don't remember him doing a damn thing at Toledo (not that I hear anything about players from Toledo...which by the way is your first sign). He joins the Saints and after a few big games in which Colston was hurt he fell onto a fantasy roster this year. Not only has he been cut but he was then promptly picked up by another team and in a most baffling move placed on a starting roster. He rewarded the Decepticons delusional optimism by racking up a career typical zero points. The following is from Wikipedia regarding Lance Moore:

"CAREER HIGHLIGHTS AND AWARDS: N/A"

I could not disagree more, he has provided many highlights and received many awards from POTW.

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#6 Fatboys-------------------Frat-tastics

Time to realize that the Fatboys are a far cry from that team Byrd use to run. The Fatboys at this rate could be a real threat to win the PAC-4 as they posted another impressive victory in week 2 to move their record to 2-0. Coach Askew has worked for weeks to improve the Frat-tastics running game and now we see why. Rookies LeSean McCoy and Knowshon Moreno outscored starters Chester Taylor and Kevin Faulk, who are fantasy desperation hall of famers. You can always tell which team is struggling with their running game simply by looking at who has Chester Taylor and/or Kevin Faulk (since often times they can be found together on anemic fantasy rosters). While both of them are able to produce decent points it is more often they will be cut about 5 or 6 times during the season only to be added to other players rosters 6 or 7 times.

Insert Chester Taylor/Kevin Faulk here

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#8 Steel Dragons--------------Pineapple Express

The Pineapple Express looked to get back on track (or at least to the tracks) after a rough start in week 1. I guess it should not surprise us that a game between Plousis and Overton would, at the very least, be entertaining. The Steel Dragons went into the Monday Night game with a decent lead and needed only to keep Dallas Clark in check...Clark promptly went 80 yards for a TD on the very first play of the game. The Steel Dragons still held the lead even after that but Clark was too much as the fact that Wayne was triple covered and the Colts don't really have anything else worth throwing to means that a slow white TE can rack up 31 points in that offense. While it does not take away from the exciting matchup it should be pointed out that the Steel Dragons started something called a "Brian Robiskie" at WR. POTW is still not sure what that is but it sounds like a stiff drink. Whatever the hell it is it is not something that scores any fantasy points.
UPDATE: Brian Robiskie is apparently not a drink at all. It is a former Ohio State WR...which explains why it can't be counted on in big games.

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Baconators----------------------da Bears

Much was expected from these two teams coming into the season but after poor showings in week 1 there were much more concerns. da Bears put those concerns to rest with a strong showing across the board. Brandon Jacobs struggled for them and they still won big so just imagine what could happen if he gets going. The Baconators on the other hand were beaten like a rented mule for the second week in a row. It is really hard to look over this roster and find one play who is easily more worthless than the others but Jamaal Charles' zero point performance jumps out at me. It turns out the Chiefs listed Charles as inactive for the game, but that is not the best part. Charles was asked about being listed on the inactive roster for the game on Sunday and he said, "I don't know. I have no idea why I was inactive." Awesome. I can imagine showing up to the game and the coach says, "Oh by the way you are not playing today." The best part about this is that Charles scored 17 points in week 1 via catches and return yards. I'm not sure if the Kansas City Chiefs wonder why they suck so bad but stuff like this has a lot to do with it I'm sure. I guess it is possible that Charles violated some team rule or is a discipline problem and we don't have the entire story. If he is a discipline problem that just makes him a much better fit for the Baconators.

See you after week 3...