POTW 2009 Draft Review

Congrats to Brian and Carmen on the new baby! Hopefully Nate Lee Ferguson will keep the Fergs staff too busy to run the team in 2009 and someone else will make the playoffs for a change :)



I'd like to start off on a serious note for once: The league experienced a very sad day in March of 2008 and since it was not football season (technically) the story was largely unreported. Until now. Sean Landeta, punter for many teams during his career retired on March 2, 2008. POTW flew the flags at half mast as Landeta was the last remaining Tecmo Bowl player still in the league. The following is a tribute to Landeta and the other great digital gladiators: Make sure your sound is on...


The team predictions and rankings are the best part of the draft. Why play games on the field when you can allow Yahoo to simply generate a predicted score based on fuzzy math and made-up statistics! To that end Wes has created an excel document that takes all the teams rosters and uses Yahoo's season total projected score to see which teams Yahoo thinks are the best. The following is the rankings based on the "experts" at Yahoo. Yahoo it would appear shows a strong West Coast bias for the PAC 4 teams. The letter grade is from me based on the draft.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THE COMMENT SECTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO GIVE US YOUR THOUGHTS

Pineapple Express B-

Avery and Moore seem like gimick picks, but smart picks in the mid to late rounds.

It has to get better than the 4-10 record from 2008. Right? No doubt Yahoo and women everywhere love Tom Brady. He could easily be the best QB in the league this year, or he could return to the Tom Brady prior to Randy Moss arriving in New England, or he could get his girlfriend pregnant again. The rest of the roster is much more entertaining. The running game features Clinton Portis and Willie Parker. Ever since Denver the end zone has been more of a rumor to Portis than a place if often found himself. Willie Parker lead the NFL in rushing a few seasons ago, that same season he ranked behind Reggie Bush in fantasy points which I have never forgiven him for. Steve Smith, Donnie Avery, and Lance Moore are the WRs. Smith is still a playmaker and gives the Pineapple Express a real threat. Donnie Avery is listed on a number of sleeper lists because he had a few big games in 2008, I don't give a shit, he is a Ram and even Steven Jackson looked like crap on the Rams last year so Avery still gets the unproven tag. I predict Lance Moore loses his starting job on this roster to Nate Washington or the ageless Derrick Mason.
On defense Boat 'N Hoes will be solid, after the D line comes off their suspension that is.

Bama Black Bears A

I like it. No real weakness on this roster.

The Bama Black Bears have looked like champions at times in their history, and at times like Charlie Weiss. Will they Play Like a Champion in 2009? Yahoo seems to think so. Jay Cutler leads a Bears team that is almost devoid of talent at the WR position and the Bears have always been a run first team. Something doesn't add up here but I'm not sure what it is just yet. If Cutler can score points on the horrible team that was the 2008 Broncos he can put up points on a team that is a borderline playoff team. Coach Comer will feature Micheal Turner and Kevin Smith at RB. The combo of these two guys should prove to be the heart of his team but can Comer handle a team that is run oriented? The WRs are Roy Williams, Steve Breaston and Wes Welker. Roy may have the work ethic of Pizza the Hut but on raw physical ability alone he is worth drafting. He has also said he "May not talk to the media at all this season." Probably a good idea for him but we will miss quotes like "It is scary how close we came to scoring 40 points." when the team only scored 7. Jeremy Shockey is on the roster at the moment but expect him to be on the IR by week 3 with a sprain or with syphilis. Seriously who the hell thought it was a good idea to but that man on a team that is based in New Orleans.

Turbo Techies A-

Taking a defense and TE in the first rounds yet still getting RBs you can use. Bold move.

The third PAC 4 team in the top 3. I'm pretty sure Spencer Tillman did these rankings. The Techies look to win back-to back-to back titles in 2009 and they just may do it. The team looks very much the same as it did last year with one big difference. The defense is much better in the 2009 version. Brandon Marshall is a question mark because he is dumber than a sack of hammers and will end up getting himself suspended for something stupid and even when he is on the field he will exhaust himself trying to run down errant throws from Chicago cast away QB Kyle Orton. Greg Olson should provide big points from the TE position and if Marques Colston can stay healthy this year the 2009 Turbo Techies could actually be better than the 2007 and 2008 Techies. You have been warned.

Baconators A-

A major playmaker at every position, that alone will win some games.

Arena football has moved on from Coach Al. The 2009 Baconators will feature a legit running game with Pierre Thomas and Brian Westbrook. The two them add a ground attack to Peyton Manning, who scares me still. If Devin Hester is the kick returner then his value is huge, if not he could still produce now that the Bears has decided to field a QB. Terrell Owens should pick up where he left off, big play followed by 2 dropped passes. If only there were some way to get Coach Al to appear on T.O.'s reality show, then that piece of shit might be worth watching. It apparently wasn't enough to just have TO, Al signed the Baltimore Ravens defense which gives him Ray Lewis, another fitting player for Coach Al. Brent Celek is a name you will remember. He is for real.

Steel Dragons C-

Your lucky I don't give you an F for drafting Julius Jones and Deion Branch.

I won’t say anything about the fact he has two kickers, but it is funny. Probably as much as any team these guys could go either way this year. In 2009 they could be the Steel Dragons…or they could be the Tin Lizards again. Coach Plousis should have a tough running game with Jone-Drew and Ryan Grant. Moving out to WR we find Randy Moss (who is old but seems immune to the effects of age) and Antonio Bryant. You would have more luck trying to guess which response is going to come up in a Magic 8 Ball than you would trying to predict what the hell Bryant is going to do this year. Bernard Berrian rounds out the WR corp and shows us that the Steel Dragons have a common theme in drafting Bryant and Berrian…draft a WR from a team that does not use a QB as part of the offense. Have fun with Julius Jones.

Gusmeisters B

Good all around balance, kinda like a grade of B.

He may be mad he forgot about the draft but Yahoo likes his team (maybe that is because Yahoo picked it). Known for having one of the best running games in the league the Gusmeisters will employ some new weapons in the passing game this year. Kurt Warner only has to remain healthy to be in the top 5 QBs in the league and Greg Jennings along with Vincent Jackson are young #1 target WRs on their teams. Santonio Holmes has always had the ability to make big plays, sadly most of his big games have come in January. Great news for the Steelers, shitty news for fantasy teams. Zack Miller should be a fun target at TE because I don’t see the Raiders throwing to their non-existent WRs down the field (big assumption that Jamarcus Russell could even hit them deep, or have time for them to get down field).

Decepticons B-

McGay-hee and Muhsin Muhammad won't last the season...or even a month.

I really don’t give two shits about Yahoo’s rankings (there I said it). I think the Decepticons could easily make the playoffs in 2009 (there, I said that also). The team is loaded in the passing game with Aaron Rogers, T.J. Howismyvanilla, Calvin Johnson, and even Jason Witten. RBs look decent with Jonathan Stewart but McGahee, Fargas, Buckhalter, and Earnest Graham could all struggle to find the field so basically all four of these guys are like having 1 RB. 1 RB that takes up 4 roster spots and can’t start. I also have to give a nod to Mushin Muhammad and Isaac Bruce for not only getting drafted but both getting drafted on the same roster. They should both get their AARP discounts while traveling which saves the organization money.

Ragin' Girth of Fury B+

Playmakers at every position, even they come with baggage.

New teams are always wild cards which makes them tough to predict. What we do know is that this organization has a storied history and is one of the most successful in league history. First year coach Jim Hand has a good corp of keepers (DeAngelo, Fitzgerald, Schaub…ok not so much Schaub but you get my point). The draft added WRs Braylon Edwards and Lee Evans which should provide hours of frustration for anyone watching them. Don’t forget to add TE Kellen Winslow to that list. Ronnie Brown adds some power to the running game, and he along with DeAngelo Williams and Fitzgerald give the team enough punch to beat a lot of teams…but don’t look for them in the playoffs just yet.

Frat-tastics C+

Grade could be higher but a lot of unproven players coupled with old washed up players.

Last year the Frat-tastics put together an impressive run to not only make the playoffs but also make it to the Super Bowl…but that is where the run ended. In 2009 it is hard to say where this roster is going. The team no doubt has a lot of talent but it seems they have more question marks. Eddie Royal was a good WR with Cutler, but what about Orton? Torry Holt is old. Ok so that is not a question it is a statement. Derrick Ward was good behind the Giants A-list offensive line but the running lanes that use to be big enough to drive a truck through will now only be big enough to squeeze a scooter through now that he is in Tampa. Knowshon should be the Broncos primary RB but that doesn’t mean new Denver coach Josh McDaniels knows what the RB position is for (see his track record while coaching in New England).

Fatboys A

Santana Moss isn't special but he is a #1WR. Everything else you picked was top notch.

Still turning around the mess of a program that Byrd built coach Fudge and the Fatboys just missed the playoffs in 2008. The 2009 Fatboys look very similar to Fatboys version2008. Chris Johnson should add more yards out of the RB position and with Carson Palmer healthy Chad “don’t call me Johnson” 85 should post numbers that make him worth starting. The biggest gains the team made were in adding kick return man Ted Ginn Jr. and the highly underrated Titans defense. TE John Carlson didn’t do much until late in 2008 but if he picks up where he left off then the Fatboys could be in position for another playoff run. I almost forgot, they have Santana Moss who is handicapped by deer-in-headlights QB Jason Campbell…who ironically coach Fudge also drafted.

Tenn. Valley Vipers I

I'll let you guys grade my draft

The team Yahoo loves to hate. Despite their career record the Vipers are seldom picked to win any matchups during the season based on Yahoo predicted points (or by members of the league that vote on the games). It should come as no surprise that when given the chance to predict an entire season the Vipers are picked to be one of the worst teams in the entire league. Breaking news, Yahoo just shit on the Vipers again. If I could go back and find my POTW from this time last year I would copy and paste it right here because coach Swirl assembled the same team he had in 2008. EVERY started with the exception of 1 was a starter for the Vipers in 2008. If they were a college team you’d have to say they were a favorite due to the fact they have 7 of 9 returning starters. The Vipers have enjoyed a lot of success in recent years so you could say that getting the old gang back together is a good idea…but the old gang has never raised a championship trophy so you could say that they are not that good.
Yahoo just announced that if this team makes the playoffs they will be dropped from the league

Fergs B+

Really had something going there...then guys like Hixon and Pat White showed up...

The only time you will find the Fergs at the bottom of a ranking is when Yahoo gets to rank the teams. The team with the 2nd best winning percentage in the history of the league is not likely to finish this far back in the standings…nevermind, I just looked at their roster. While Roddy White and Steve Slaton appear to be solid players I can’t get excited about Tony Romo. He must have really not wanted to be the Ken to Jessica’s Barbie Good job Romo, and good luck staying healthy past week 6. Romo may scare you as an opposing QB, but just wait a few months and you won’t have to worry about him. I couldn’t help but notice Thomas “the train” Jones found a team so early in the draft. Maybe autodraft had something to do with that maybe not, but I would have to blame autodraft for washout picks like Domenik Hixon, Pat White, and Mark Bradley. I would also like to thank autodraft for taking a kicker so early in the draft that autodraft was still able to pick up a second kicker before the last round. Ferg has also historically used about 8 defenses over the course of one season. In 2009 he will try to use a big name defense but I don’t think the dinosaur* Patriots are going to scare too many people
* Not this kinda dinosaur

THIS kinda dinosaur

da Bears A

Very close to an A+ but Ward has lost a little and overstocked RBs (yes I know about the suspension)

Here is the best part. I actually pick da Bears to not only make the playoffs I pick them as the favorite to win the Championship this year. My arch-nemesis Yahoo however picks them to be the second to worst team in the history of the world. I will admit that on defense they are suspect at best; the Bucs and the Bears are both really good defenses to have…if we were playing the 2005 or 2006 season. I would also say that coach Doyle stayed with the retro theme when he added Hines Ward. I understand that Hines is still one of the best blocking WRs in the game but that does not a fantasy championship make. He is also part Korean or something and for some reason the NFL tells me I’m suppose to think that matters. Whatever, he is just an aging WR in my book and he didn’t do shit when he was with the Gusmeisters. So how the hell is this bunch of cast-offs going to win the Super Bowl? I’m glad you ask. Donovan McNabb, Andre Johnson, and Steven Jackson could all be in the top 5 at their positions. Marshawn Lynch and even Brandon Jacbos will make for a powerful running game while Visanthe Shiancoe and Heath Miller are good enough to both start if da Bears want to run a 2 TE setup. Adding Trent Edwards as insurance for the oft-injured McNabb was a heads up move by coach Doyle.

Mallards B
Good start to the draft but it got a little odd with Crayton and Miles Austin showing up.

The Chicago Cubs of the Alabama League. You’d call them the lovable losers if not for the fact they have appeared in a Super Bowl. Yahoo has never shown much love for the Mallards but this is a tombstone pile driver of a slam to the organization. The Mallards will field arguably their best crop of WRs to date, and they didn’t lose anything from their league leading rushing game. Owen Daniels should produce points at the TE position and Percy Harvin provides points in the return game…at least until he is arrested or gets a hang nail. Joe Flacco doesn’t seem to be anyone you’d be afraid of. I would actually be much more afraid of Shane Falco:

Shane Falco would play for you for elevendy-billion dollars. Texa$

The WRs were mentioned before and it is worth noting again that Dwyane Bowe and Anthoney Gonzalez should be fantasy starters for most any team. Something the land locked Mallards have lacked in recent years (recent being ever).

So let us review:
Road to Auburn Conference:
Baconators
Gusmeisters
Decepticons
Frat-tastics
Fergs

Appalachian Conference:
Steel Dragons
Ragin’ Girth of Fury
Tenn. Valley Vipers
Da Bears
Mallards

PAC 4:
Pineapple Express
Bama Black Bears
Turbo Techies
Fatboys

Conference Champs. Wildcard


Your turn! Use the comment section to rate the Conferences the way you think they will end


See you after week 1...

POTW: 2009 keeper list and draft order

POTW

Aside from actually signing up for the league I guess this can be seen as another sign the football season is coming. I know many of you have been asking for this so here it is:

NOTE: the teams are listed in draft order meaning Allan has the first pick, Overton second, etc.


Baconators
Coach: Allan Gamble
QB-Peyton Manning
WR-Terrell Owens
RB-Pierre Thomas

What is better than having the #1 overall draft pick? Having the #1 overall draft pick in back-to-back seasons! Just ask teams such as the Detroit Lions and Oakland Raiders, and now, the Baconators. Last year’s #1 pick Darren McFadden apparently didn’t make the roster heading into this season for coach Al so the board is wide open for him to draft a WR with the top pick and resurrect his arena football system.



Boats 'N Hoes
Coach: Matt Overton
QB-Tom Brady
TE-Dallas Clark
RB-Clinton Portis

If you only looked at keeper players from year to year you would have to say that Boats ‘N Hoes has already improved. Last year they went into the season with Super Bowl star and fantasy dude Ben Roethlisberger (no, I still don’t care how it is spelled). In 2009 they go into the season with Super Bowl star and fantasy star Tom Brady.





The Gusmeisters
Coach: Gusty Gulas
RB-Adrian Peterson
RB-Larry Johnson
QB-Kurt Warner

If you double Adrian Peterson’s age he would probably still be the youngest keeper on this list. Granted Warner and LJ are mathematically in their 30s but the last few seasons they seem to be aging in dog years. Luckily for Kurt Warner his wife has abandoned the creepy school librarian look and now looks like someone a (middle aged) NFL QB would be with.

POTW sources have discovered that, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is really based on the real-life of Brenda Warner


Mallards
Coach: George Murphree
RB-LaDanian Tomlinson
RB-Frank Gore
RB-Matt Forte

Still trying to resurrect the wishbone apparently. I guess if the Mallards draft Tim Tebow next year they could have something here as the triple option could once again make its way into football. As it stands QB Pat White running the “Wild Dolphin” or whatever the hell it is called in Miami will have to take on that role until Jesus Tebow is ready to move on to the next level (and play TE).





da Bears
Coach: Doyle Horn Esq.
WR-Andre Johnson
RB-Marshawn Lynch
RB-Steven Jackson

Football in the Nation’s Capital. Coach Doyle looks to have a good team with top 5 players such as Andre Johnson and Steven Jackson. While the Obama administration will eventually get around to taking control of fantasy football (starting with da Bears due to the fact they are the D.C. area team) it should be at least another year due to the fact that at the moment there are some freedoms left they have not infringed upon.
Fantasy football and real football alike are evil capitalistic creations as they discriminate against hundreds of people who have no real ability to do the job. Evil right-wing extremist think that you should put players on your team based on their performance but that is unfair to the players who lack ability and this type of corrupt system is doomed to fail just like the auto industry…



Decepticons
Coach: CT (not trying to be cute with this name, his name is actually just CT now by all accounts)
QB-Aaron Rogers
WR-TJ Houshmandzadeh
WR-Calvin Johnson

“More than meets the eye” football in 2008 was apparently much less than met the eye. The keeper roster involves some talent and some interesting stories; T.J. Howsyourmama is now on a new team, and Calvin Johnson is still on the Lions, and the Lions after going 0-16 were named POTW Team of the Decade and should be an easy finalist for Team of the Universe for All-Time.



Fatboys
Coach: Fudge Burton
QB-Eli Manning
RB-Marion Barber
WR-Chad Ocho Cinco

The Fatboys with a pig logo based out of BBQ city Memphis, I love it. The only thing that could have made this better would be if I could incorporate more gang memorabilia with this franchise just to give it a real Memphis feel. In a related story the fantasy football team-Fatboys has received permission to move into the Memphis Pyramid for all of their home games. Memphis Mayor Willie W. Herenton had this to say, “This is a proud day for the city of Memphis. It should sent a clear message to all the people who said the Memphis Pyramid would city empty forever.”

NOTE: I couldn’t help but discover this: Willie W. Herenton (yes, the mayor of Memphis) was nominated for the 2008 World Mayor award…no shit, I couldn’t make this up.
Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf was also nominated. He is the mayor of Tehran, Iran. Again, I couldn’t make this shit up.




Ragin' Girth of Fury
Coach: Jim Hand
WR-Larry Fitzgerald
RB- DeAngelo Williams
QB-Matt Schaub

Everybody loves expansion teams. I’m not sure why we love them but we know we all do. Perhaps it is the fact new life has come into the league, more likely it is the fact teams feel like they should have an easy win (see Turbo Techies). Jim proves that our league is diverse as he once lived in South America, thus, making our league international. Yep. He also loves soccer which is technically called football. Yep again. Finally he has a name that baffles the imagination with both wonder and horror.




Steel Dragons
Coach: Andrew Plousis part 3
QB-Phillip Rivers
RB-Maurice Jones Drew
WR-Randy Moss

I must admit I’m still admiring my own work at finding that Steel Dragon logo/banner. Pretty bad ass stuff and as the Oakland Raiders have proved teams with a cool logo always excel. The Steel Dragons win an award for being the only team to have a keeper player with three names*
Plousis should be more boring this season as we will not all be privy to random insults from Brannon involving Plousis.

* POTW desperate for material it would appear





Bama Black Bears
Coach: Eugene (with a “y”) Comer
QB-Jay Cutler
WR-Wes Welker
RB-Michael Turner

A new logo for the team in 2009. What appears to be a red baseball bat in the bear’s hand/paw (apparently a paw with opposable thumbs) is actually a bloody stick. The blood stains must represent the new attitude of the Bama Black Bears in ’09. The fact the bear is in water made this logo too perfect to pass up since Coach Comer has informed all of us that the bears in Mobile do in fact like to go to the beach.
With regards to his roster the NAACP is filing a grievance against the Bama Black Bears for:
1.) dropping the black guy (WR Steve Smith) in favor of a white WR (Wes Welker)
2.) attempting to have a non-“McBlack” QB on the roster/starting roster

NOTE: The bear on the logo appears to in fact be black however close examination revealed that while the hair on the bear is black its skin was in fact a white/beige color meaning that the “black” bears are in fact white.



Tenn. Valley Vipers
Tenn. Valley Vipers
Coach: Swirly “Brad Murphree” Gig
RB-Reggie Bush
WR-Anquan Boldin
WR-Reggie Wayne

Yahoo is still generous enough to list Reggie Bush as a RB. Sometimes a coach and a team find a system and sometimes the system finds the team. Coach Swirl appears to have officially given up on establishing a running game and moved the team to its new home in Huntsville with the idea that they will win games by only throwing the ball. The teams best RB is actually a shitty RB who excels as a WR/punt return guy. Coach Comer would be proud however as the team runs a true Gulf Coast Offense-only running the ball enough to move the safeties around once a possession. The name change was covered in the Vipers Press Conference on the league page and I’m too lazy to reprint it here (bad economy even for POTW so the COPY/PASTE functions are rationed in their use).





Fergs
Coach: Ferg Ferguson
WR-Roddy White
RB-Steve Slaton
QB-Tony Romo

Ferg has established himself as one of the top teams in the league year in and year out. I must admit that his keeper list heading into this season has a different look and feel that it has in previous season however Coach Ferg has proven he can field a winner. Look for him to be tough again this year…of course a house full of kids could provide the distraction the rest of the league needs to catch him…



Frat-tastics
Coach: Michael Askew
WR-Eddie Royal
QB-Matt Ryan
TE-Tony Gonzalez

Last year was great for Mike Askew. The arrival of Micah Askew and the Frat-tastics first appearance in the Super Bowl. (obviously very comparable events)
Riding this wave of excitement the Frat-tastics should come out like spider monkeys in 2009, assuming Eddie Royal has a QB to throw the ball to him and Tony Gonzalez doesn’t fall and break a hip…although the double TD bonus of Matt Ryan to Tony Gonzalez should be exciting for Coach Askew.







Turbo Techies

Coach: Wes Murphree
QB-Drew Brees
WR-Brandon Marshall
WR-Marques Colston

If the World Dodgeball League had a New York Yankees they would be called the Turbo Techies. The team that people named Ferg and Comer seem to love to hate the Techies continue their storm trooper march in 2009 as the try and become the first team to win 3 straight championships. Back-to-back championships would be enough for any mortal but the self proclaimed USC of the PAC-4 has only one goal; to never finish worse than 1st in any football season EVER! A goal they have accomplished so far. Full of shit-talk, ego, and talent here come the 2009 Turbo Techies. Playing a game on the road against the Turbo Techies must feel like playing at the Swamp in Gainesville or like playing dodgeball against the Cobras at Globo-Gym in the game of the week broadcast live on The Ocho.




See you after the draft…