Week 5

Upset week. Of the 7 games that were played in week 5 only 1 of them featured both teams that were ranked, and in only 1 game did the ranked to come out victorious.

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#6 Decepticons 130---------#7 Steel Dragons 50

Coach Plousis was right, there were no deceptive tactics here. The only thing the Steel Dragons coach was wrong about was who would be running over who. The Decepticons took an early lead and never looked back. In many ways it does not surprise me too much that a team lead by Jake Delhomme would be defeated but was does surprise me is how inept the rest of the team was. Randy Moss had as many interceptions (1) has he did receptions in Sunday's game...no, the Steel Dragons did not get points for Moss' interception. Julius Jones returned to his classic form and posted a pathetic 4 points, while Bernard Berrian's 7 point game reminded all of us why we can't trust him, Michael Jenkins posted an awful 5 points despite his team blowing out the 49ers, and even when Brett Farve is throwing him the ball. With all of this super talent to choose from finding a clear cut go-to-guy for POTW is hard...then Chris Cooley came through in the clutch. Cooley, an admitted fantasy football player, must have been playing against himself in his league this week as he failed to catch a single pass for the first time in 5 years. No shit, Cooley has had at least 1 catch in every game he has played in since his rookie season. Truth be told, with so many crappy TEs in the league I really don't even feel like giving Cooley a hard time. I know a lot of TEs that only manage 1 or 2 receptions for an entire month.

A group of silly looking creatures (most likely Decepticons) stand over their recently slain dragon. The dragon in this picture probably put up a much bigger fight than the Steel Dragons did.

But wait there's more!!! When you post 50 points you are a POTW legend, and speaking of legends POTW continues it's Ohio State POTW with a tribute to:
Michael Jenkins! Just the latest in our series of Ohio State players to fail your fantasy team! In this picture he appears to have a lot of buckeye stickers on his helmet...which means this picture must have taken place after the Navy/Ohio/Alcorn State/Youngstown State/Ohio County Community College games.

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Pineapple Express 159-------- #1 Tenn. Valley Vipers 106

Writing POTW takes some time; hours and sometimes a few days to piece it all together. It is for this reason that I try to start writing a review as soon as I can so that I can meet some fictional deadline that does not exist (unless you all don't have a POTW by Thursday, in which case I hear about it). In an attempt to help me get POTW out sooner in week 5 the Vipers allowed me to start writing this review by halftime of the early game on Sunday morning. The Vipers were not awful, they were never even in the game. Aaron Brown scored zero points but it really would not be fair to make him the POTW since nobody even knows who or what the hell he is. It would be much more fitting that Coach Swirl be the POTW for even starting such a waste of skin. DeSean Jackson would save his coach in the end by posting a baffling 1 point. Truth be told I don't have a F-ing clue how that even happened which makes it hard to write POTW for him.

...remember this DeSean Jackson moment? No? Well this was one of 2 times he dropped the ball before crossing the end zone. Despite a lot of potential there is still a lot of potential for disaster with him.

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Baconators 92----------------- #2 Bama Black Bears 102

The Baconators didn't even bother to start a kicker. Nice move. Nothing says, "Not only am I going to lose but I don't give a shit" more than not starting a player. I guess the Baconators are so overloaded with talent that they could not afford to cut a single player to get a kicker. Understandable from a team that has only broken 100 points once this season. However, had Coach Al decided to go to the free agent pool and simply take the highest scoring kicker he could he would have received 11 points from whoever the Seahawks kicker is...nice job Mike Shula.

On an unrelated note I am just going to point out that the Bama Black Bears won by 8 points last week when the Ragin' Girth of Fury didn't start 2 players on BYE week and this week the Bama Black Bears had 2 players score negative points. Watching this team win makes me feel like watching this year's Notre Dame* team win...your going to have to do better than that to impress us.

Jimmy Clausen can't wait to join the Bama Black Bears. He is seen here sending a clear message to Coach Comer that he already has a boat and a bathing suit so living in Mobile would be a perfect fit for him. As to what ELSE this picture says about Jimmy Clausen......I'm not going to go there but I'm sure you can insert your own caption

* I can hear Comer cussing my name right now as I just compared his team to Notre Dame. I'll expect some hate mail related to that about 2 minutes after Comer read this

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#3 Gusmeisters 138-----------Ragin' Girith of Fury 174

"Did that really just happen?" I'm not sure if those were the exact words to come out of Coach Gusty's mouth at the end of this game but it would have been appropriate if they had. I am not even sure if Jim reads POTW but based on his comments I would say he doesn't. Gusty on the other hand does and when WR Miles Austin posted 50 fantasy points he had to think the Gusmeisters were a shoe in to win...not so fast my friend. Despite Miles Austin posting more fantasy points in one game than he had career points coming into the game the rest of the Gusmeisters passing attack was pathetic. Brett Farve, now a 40 year old QB, posted only 16 points. WRs Mark Clayton (not the Tecmo Bowl era Miami Dolphins Clayton, although that would be funny) and Santonio Holmes did what we expect them to do. Be inconsistent. With all that was going wrong with these 3 players fantasy standout Larry Johnson proved once again he would NOT be outdone when it comes to sucking and posted only 5 points, barely beating out the Gusmeisters kicker for lowest point total of the day. Coach Gusty should thank Miles Austin for making this game look remotely respectable.
The last Mark Clayton you wanted on a team you were controlling was wearing this helmet. Even the 8bit Dolphin logo appears to be smiling as a digital Dan Marino could easily toss the ball 100 yards to Mark Clayton and/or Mark Duper...those were the good ole' days of video game football

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#5 Mallards 117------------------da Bears 135

Don't look now but da Bears may be about to wake up. In all fairness to Coach Doyle this team really started off the season missing some key pieces. Marshawn Lynch was suspended then Donovan McNabb was injured. Week 5 marked the return of both of these players and while neither of them started da Bears still scored 135 points and took the win. Look out for da Bears now that they are at full strength. The Mallards on the other hand are headed in the opposite direction. Keeping 3 RBs would make you a strong running team, or so one would think. With a number of Mallards still on the DL the once strong Mallard ground game churned out a lowly 10 points. The Mallards air attack was again consistent but without any superstar performances to offset a pathetic ground attack the Mallards could not keep pace with da Bears. Your probably wondering who the POTW for this game is and sadly there really won't be one. The Mallards fielded RBs LeSean McCoy and Kevin Faulk and since neither of them is a starer it is not fair to beat them up too much. LeSean McCoy however did score as many points (4) as he has capital letters in his name, which is a fun fact.

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#8 Fatboys 85----------------------Fergs 113

So maybe the Fatboys knew what they were doing by attempting to trade away half their roster. The loss to the Fergs will mark the third loss in a row for the Fatboys and will drop them to last in the PAC 4. On Sunday nothing went right for this team as the passing game and rushing game were equally pathetic. First round RB Chris Johnson couldn't find any running room against a Colts defense that the Dolphins were somehow able to run all over and WR Derrick Mason mailed in another zero catch performance. Keep in mind this is the same Derrick Mason that had to be talked out of retirement to even play this season. Perhaps the most entertaining part to this debacle was the fact that while scoring well under 100 points Coach Fudge pretty much started his optimal lineup. In closing I would like to point out that the Fergs defense scored negative points, making him the second team to win this week with negative players.

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Frat-tastics 141------------ #4 Turbo Techies 139

A rematch from the 2008 Super Bowl and the Frat-tastics looked to get a measure of revenge against the Turbo Techies. The Turbo Techies are finding that life in 2009 is much tough than it was in previous years. In the end the Turbo Techies would post a very respectable score, and still maintain a very high season high point total, but WR Laveranues Coles continued to prove that he is the problem everywhere he goes. It was only last season when he complained about Brett Farve, now he has not complained about Carson Palmer this year but week in and week out he astounds fans by having more drops than receptions. In a close game with the Frat-tastics, and with most of the Turbo Techies playing their ass off, Coles dropped multiple passes in a 2 point loss for the Techies. "Stone Hands" is alive and well an playing for the Turbo Techies.

The Turbo Techies are in some desperate need of motivation at this point and Owen Schmitt is just the guy to do it. Who is Owen Schmitt you ask? Well let's just say he is like Wes drinking Jagrmeister and heading to a Metallica show:

See you after Week 6...